Life is Happening TO me versus Life is Happening FOR me
There are two basic perspectives on how life unfolds, it either happens to you or it happens for you.
Life Happening To You
When you feel that “life is happening to me”, you are at the mercy of fate and world around you. You become a victim of the experiences, the lessons and the circumstances. Having the perspective that “life is happening to me”, shifts all the power away from yourself, rendering yourself helpless to act or stop an experience or resolve an issue.
In my experience, people who have the perspective of “life is happening to me”, tend to have a fear-based perspective in life as they struggle to see the positive in the perceived negative experiences. They live in the emotions of fear, worry, hurt, guilt, shame, blame, judgement and defeat, feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.
They may have limiting beliefs that are not truths, just beliefs, that are holding them back such as a belief they are not worthy or not good enough. They may have beliefs deeply ingrained, that they need to suffer to heal, or suffer to learn. When the limiting beliefs are combined with the fear-based perspective, the perspective of “life is happening to me” is an easy perspective to slip into.
For some it is even a comfortable perspective, because there may be a perceived benefit to maintaining that perspective. When “life is happening to me” you become the victim of your circumstance. You become powerless, helpless and a person in need. There maybe perceived benefits to maintaining this perspective including having additional attention or support while going through the experience they perceive is happening to them; or they may feel they don’t have to take responsibility for their actions or inactions; or they may feel they gain sympathies or even financial assistance when they maintain the perspective of “life is happening to me”.
For some if there is a perceived benefit, they must be willing to let that perception go and see past it. They need to see the benefits of life without having to continually repeat these experiences for lesson learning. Mastering a lesson, literally makes it go away and you move onto the next experience and the next lesson. Even just articulating out loud “I have learned my lesson in _____ and I’m ready to move onto my next experience and adventure, for new higher learning” will shift the energy and help you move from one experience and lesson, to the next.
In my work, I help people to shift out of the fear-based perspective; from a “life is happening to me” to a more loving perspective, helping them see where life is unfolding for their highest learning or healing. I help them shift into “life is happening FOR me”.
Life is Happening For Me
When you shift into a love-based perspective, and you view the world around you and your individual experiences as “life is happening for me” you shift into a perspective of curiosity and seeking clarity and direction. When you realize that all the experiences in your life, good and bad, have manifested in the exact way they have, in order to help you learn a lesson of some sort you have more gratitude for those experiences. You obtain a higher perspective of the larger picture, of why and how things unfold in your life. You start to see how everyone in your life is helping you to learn and grow. You realize that we are literally all in this thing called “life” together, helping one another have experiences, learn lessons, grow and move onto the next experience and lesson.
People that rub you the wrong way, or judge you, are teaching you some of your biggest lessons.
You may be learning about patience, or how to receive, or how to give, or how to overcome fear, or how to use your voice, or how to work through grief or anger. There are thousands of lessons we learn through our life experiences.
When you shift into a love-based perspective, understanding that life is truly happening for you, you open your heart and mind to see a broader, higher level strategic perspective. You see things not at the micro level, but rather at the 10,000 feet above level. You begin to see and understand where and how your life experiences have unfolded to teach you various lessons through those experiences. You begin to see how different people in your life, good and bad, have given you different experiences which have taught you different lessons.
People often ask me “why is this happening TO ME again?” I help them shift into that love-based perspective and see that 1) it is happening FOR them, not to them so that they have another opportunity to learn something new, and 2) it is happening again because you didn’t quite master it the first time, or the first few times. When we have repetitive experiences in life, it is the universe helping us to stay on track to learn a lesson, until we master the teachings.
For example, you may be having experiences that put you in situations that make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, about speaking your truth to another. You may be having repeated experiences, or opportunities to speak your truth but struggle with the courage to start speaking, or maybe you are struggling with the delivery, or you trip over your words. You will be given repeated opportunities to experience and learn how to use your voice, speaking your truth with love and kindness, until you master that lesson. Every experience you gain more insight and wisdom in how to speak your truth, how to stand up for yourself and how to converse without confrontation. Every experience you get better and better at it, until you master standing in your power and speaking your truth with love and kindness.
Another example might be overcoming a fear-based perspective in life. This is a huge lesson for a lot of people. It is scary and difficult to stand in your power and face your deepest fears. The universe will give you repeated lessons that trigger the fear, giving you opportunities to rationalize it, work through it, and eventually be able to walk through the fear and come out the other side.
One of my teachers, many years ago taught me “face the fear and do it anyway, because the fear will remain, but the opportunities will not”. It was a poignant lesson to learn for me and has helped me immensely in life to walk through the fear to the other side. It doesn’t matter if you stumble. It doesn’t matter if you are scared as you walk. It doesn’t matter that you have a lot of anxiety while you are walking through the fear. The only thing that matters is you take the first step and start shifting the energy from a fear-based perspective into a loving perspective, knowing that this experience is happening to help you learn, grow and heal.
Your Experiences and Lessons
When you look over your life, your experiences both good and bad, where has life been happening for you? Can you see through your life different times of repeating experiences where you were honing your skills to learn the larger lessons?
Life is ALWAYS happening FOR us !! We are not victims of life. We are not helpless. Experiences, events, situations and circumstances all unfold to help us learn, shift, move in a different direction, change, grow and heal.
So instead of being upset with someone in your life who is frustrating you or judging you, be grateful that they are in your life helping you learn and grow. Be grateful for all they are enduring, to help you heal, shift and raise in vibration.
We are all here on earth playing “roles” in one another lives, poking the bear, stirring the pot and helping people awaken to what needs healing within each of us. We are all here helping one another be the best humans we can be before it is our time to go.
Life is so short. Don’t get stuck in the pattern of fear-based perspectives, believing that life is happening to you. Shift into the love-based perspective and start viewing life through the lens of life is happening for me, not to me. When you shift into that love-based perspective, you can see so many lessons you have had, learned and mastered. You can see the lessons you are experiencing right now, and maybe even future lessons that are heading your way. Your gratitude increases because you realize all these alignments and people in your life have helped you with these lessons, helping you to become a better you! Helping you to come closer to your authentic self and keep you on your authentic path and purpose through experiences and lessons.